A/N: An essay about yourself in four pages.I am baring my soul for the world to see.
My numb feet trudged on in the cold Siberian ground, a large coat swaddled my form to protect me from the harsh winds and to keep me warm in my journey. It was a foolish thing for me to suddenly plan a trip to Siberia and no I am stuck in this God forsaken place.
"Who are you?" A voice behind me whispered. Great, I have five voices in my mind and I don’t need another one.
Who am I? I don’t know if I knew myself that well but it wouldn’t hurt to answer the voice maybe it will entertain me as I try to find a way to get out of this place.
Well here goes nothing.
My name is Zonasha and I was born on the auspicious day of June 28, 1994. A Danish film maker died on the very same day and I don’t know maybe he decided to transfer his soul to my weak body.
My mother and I shared the same birthday because she was very eager to have a daughter during her birthday. As you can probably imagine, she was going through the pains of labour as a celebration for her birthday and I guess it was not a pretty sight.
I have three siblings; we have a close relationship to one another and all of us are introverts. I am the eldest but my sister, Agatha, acts more like a big sister than I am. My brother, Eienan, loves to play computer games and he’s a sass mouth; that’s the only thing I can say about him and my little sister is a bouncing ball of sunshine.
We don’t have a permanent home; we always change houses and locations and I deemed that I should not care about making friends because I will only leave them behind. I am socially awkward and an introvert and I find that making friends quite difficult.
Did I tell you anything about my hobbies? No? I shall graciously tell you then. I love reading books because it helps me to travel to different worlds. I also love to write poems and stories. Would you like me to tell you a poem? No? Okay. Let’s go on with my inane ramblings.
I am a Potterhead and sometimes you can see me waving my pen as if it was a wand and shout spells. Since I am a History geek; I was attracted to the anime Hetalia but I left the fandom because the fans were bickering and there were some that can’t draw the line between reality and the anime. I used to cosplay North Italy and it was a bit weird for me to do that. I am not as cheerful as the character that I am portraying.
I formerly have a special someone. We had been together for eighteen months and I broke up with him; two weeks after this essay was written. We share a common interest. We both like writing and reading but it seems that commonalities can’t even save a failing relationship. He was controlling and I am starting to fall out of love. I was waiting for a chance to broke up with him.
I was given the chance when he told me that “You are a worthless person and you don’t have what it takes to write.” I cried for a night and broke up with him in the following morning. He was confused because it was sudden. But I had to. He begged me to fix up what we had. He was happy with Faye now. I am glad that he’s starting to forgive himself. That’s what I wanted from the beginning.
He asked me on what really led me to decide to break off the relationship. I didn’t want to tell him that I felt violated when he was touching me because I knew that he’s going to blame himself and I don’t want that. But due to his persistence, I told him what I didn’t want him to know. I thought that he only wanted the intimate touches and in the end he will leave me behind. I also told him that when he was touching me; the memories of what my uncle had done to me resurfaces to my mind.
We swore that we were going to be married on June 27, 2024. Why June 27? It was a boundary for our birthday. His birthday was on the 26th and mine was on the 28th. I told him that we should get married on the 27th so that we could have a grand party. To celebrate our birthdays and wedding anniversary. This was painful to type…strange voice. Repressed memories were clouding my mind like a tidal wave.
Do you want to know what my personality is? I am negative towards my life and myself. I am not good enough to live in this world. Maybe he and the voices in my mind were right. I am worthless. I am a walking ball of anxiety and have a volatile anger. I am morbid and I found it contradictory. I am afraid of death; the idea of dying made me sleepless. People were afraid of the unknown. Death was the unknown. We never know what happens when we die. I scream and swoon whenever I see a picture of my one true pairing.
What about your dreams? I don’t know. I wanted to be a writer but I do not think that this career path was fit for me. If I didn’t hit off as a writer, I could be a diplomat because I was planning to take another course after I got my diploma in Mass Communications. I am looking forward in taking up Consulate and Diplomatic Affairs or Political Science. I am studying Russian, in case I got assigned as a diplomat in Russia and it was my greatest dream. I am also considering a career in political PR.
Let’s call it a day strange voice. Let me rest into the cold, dark tundra which was my mind. I’ve been shivering in embarrassment from baring my soul in this essay.